Lost Planet

I guess it was great while it lasted, you know? Being memorized by schoolchildren for generations. Having status. Real status. Like I was SOMEONE, you know? (to bartender) Can I get another Makers Mark, please? Thanks. (slugs whiskey) I mean, I know it wasn’t really much, and I was too far out to have anything to do with the fancier members of the club with their flashy rings and countless adoring moons, but I was PART of something. I knew where I fit in, man; I knew what I was. Now, after all these years, to be just demoted. By committee. Like I was some sort of professor who violated the university’s conflict of interest policies. (pauses and shakes head) No. I didn’t DO anything to deserve this. I have been out here, minding my own business for millennia, and I am not exaggerating. People always say things like “my head LITERALLY exploded” when of course it didn’t, but I mean it. I have literally been out here for millennia, and then this happens. I guess I should not be surprised, I mean, they have been debating this for a long time, and I should have seen it coming, but I guess I was just too enchanted with continually seeing my name in the papers, you know? Like a bigshot. People arguing about me. Important people. They had all sorts of other problems and issues to consider, and they were talking about ME. Cold, hard, little me. Heh. Yeah. That was gratifying. I did enjoy that. And I guess I didn’t worry. I didn’t think ahead to the possibility that I would end up here. I mean, what am I now? Is there even a classification for it? And if I don’t have a classification, do I get to keep my name? What am I now? WHO am I? So go from heroic, god like status—I mean, that is what my name implies, isn’t it? to this… this… this… what IS this? It’s all such a crap shoot, you know? So elitist. They set up the rules so that I would not qualify anymore, when they knew all along, all about me and my tendencies. They did it on purpose. They KNEW what would happen, and they did it on purpose. Now I am just a cartoon dog, a Disney afterthought. But I guess they can’t take that away from me, can they? Some consolation.

(pauses, looks into empty glass)

Dwarf planet.

fuckers