Alabama State Senator Hank Erwin, September 28 2005:
"New Orleans and the Mississippi Gulf Coast have always been known for gambling, sin and wickedness," Erwin wrote this week in a column he distributes to news outlets. "It is the kind of behavior that ultimately brings the judgment of God."
"Warnings year after year by godly evangelists and preachers went unheeded. So why were we surprised when finally the hand of judgment fell?" Erwin wrote. "Sadly, innocents suffered along with the guilty. Sin always brings suffering to good people as well as the bad."
Does this mean that Las Vegas will be swallowed by a dust storm of political, er, I mean Biblical proportions? Perhaps my Los Angelino friends should really be watching for that earthquake sometime during the Bush Administration’s tenure? But maybe Vegas already paid with the October 2003 mauling of Roy Horn by one of his prized white tigers, and they can rest at ease for some time to come. It’s just nice to know that if I ever want to know what God is thinking, I can ask Senator Erwin because The Big Man Himself sure seems to be whispering sweet nothings into his right ear.
It’s not as if these sorts of pronouncements are new. Both sides in the American Civil War believed that they had God on their side, and therefore the Cause belonged to each of them. Of course, only one could win. Sometime in the 1990’s, I went to sleep, and God became very interested in the National Football League, and seems to be on both sides as well. Again, only one team can win (and that is whoever is playing the Minnesota Vikings, it appears). But I guess that, either way, God wins because he is playing both sides. Smarty. He should be pretty happy with his odds now, what with both sides again claiming the same thing: Hurricane Katrina was the Wrath of God. Retribution for Sin. Of course, the sides in this little squabble are Kristians and Al-Kaeda, but never you mind that. It’s OK to say such things if you are Kristian. Those Arabs want to destroy America. Kristians are only trying to help.
This leads me to add two words to the Glossary of K, as I am now calling it, what with examples popping up all over. “Kompassionate” & “Konservative.” In my world, compassion used to be a good thing. Loads better than tolerance and even better then sympathy. I sense little compassion in either beliefs such as Mr. Erwin is pronouncing or in comments uttered by our Former First Lady and Queen Mother Barbara Bush regarding the better-off-ed-ness of Katrina refugees who had been granted asylum Texas style in the Astrodome. And believe it or not, I have met conservatives who I both like and respect. I even voted once for a conservative candidate for Governor of Minnesota. But he was a political conservative. A republican of the older school. Granted, not so old a school as Lincoln, but the sort of socially and fiscally responsible conservative who really had ideas and principles about how government should treat its citizens and run itself. I did not always agree with those conservatives, but I understood their reasoned arguments. These are many of the same people who have tried to distance themselves from the Neo-cons (Konservatives), but who can’t quite seem to get the ear of the press (liberal bias in the media, you know).
It’s all well and good, I suppose. We would not want William Bennett, who in Minneapolis/St. Paul is broadcasted on an AM station named “The Patriot” and whose mug is plastered on billboards under the statement “Intelligent Radio,” to be stuck with the same company over and over again in the Kristian Green Room. It’s good to mix it up a bit. A little Wrath of God is a great addition to any Social Mixer. Senator Erwin will be most welcome with the other Kristians, I believe. Hmmm… Kompassionate Konservative Kristian. Sort of has a “ring” to it, doesn’t it?