There is no way NOT to click on a link with this headline.

Shakespeare was a pothead, says anthropoligist.

"A South African anthropologist wants to exhume Shakespeare's remains to determine if the literary giant was a pot smoker."

Is this going to lead a breakthrough in literary studies that will revolutionize the way that Romeo and Juliet is taught to dozing and horny ninth graders? Will performances of Hamlet sound like the turtles in "Finding Nemo"? Will stoned freshmen put down their copies of "Dark Side of the Moon" and turn off the "Wizard of Oz" in order to pore over the pages of Othello and King Lear for references to doobie?

Should costumers put Lady Macbeth into dreadlocks and hippie skirts? Clearly, A Midsummer Night's Dream is rife with the ganja (I know a bank where the wild thyme blows/Where oxlips and the nodding violet grows/Quite over-canopied with luscious woodbine/With sweet musk-roses and with eglantine. All weed.).

But what about Titus Andronicus? Coriolanus?

Well, it may take some time (and a lot of snacks), but I am sure that our nation's youth will sort it all out.

Mrs. Bachmann may be an American... girl, but...

Tom Petty does not want her to use the song.

Thanks, Tom.

Not this again

After a lecture from my day care provider about behavior they brought on themselves, the last thing I need to hear is an economic plan from a deluded presidential candidate about how the economy is on the wrong track, and the way to fix it is with corporate tax cuts and cuts to the inheritance tax. Speaking about behavior they brought on themselves. Haven't we already tried this route, and wasn't it the same route that contributed to the mess we are in now?

I don't get it. Whenever they are presented with a problem, no matter what the problem is, or even if they are presented with a not-problem, it's always the same solution. Tree in the road? Chainsaw. Bridge out? Chainsaw. Rockslide? Chainsaw. Potholes? Chainsaw. Smooth sailing? Chainsaw. Chainsaw, chainsaw, chainsaw.

Someone needs to take away their power tool.

Just Read It

Matt Taibbi strikes again...

"In her runs for Congress, Bachmann discovered — or perhaps it is more accurate to say we all discovered — that a total absence of legislative accomplishment and a complete inability to tell the truth or even to identify objective reality are no longer hindrances to higher office."

History Proficiency

Because of this and this and this, you should take this.

I did. I received 100% on the Fourth Grade test, 100% on the Eight Grade test, and 80% on the Twelfth Grade test, which was highly disappointing to me. (You can view more of the questions here.) I got one question wrong, and now I will have to go back and try to close that gap in my knowledge.

There are a whole bunch of tests on this site, and though I cannot spend the whole day taking them, I am certainly going to go back and do more, if only to identify what I don't know. It's easy for us to look at someone else and say they got it wrong (and, this is also appropriate, I would argue, when that someone wants to be speaking for America or making laws for America or wants to be taken as an expert in a field), but we should question our own knowledge, too.

From Minnesota to you: We're Sorry

At least, some of us are.

Michele Bachmann is running for fucking president

While this must be mercilessly mocked, it must also be steadfastly taken seriously. She was elected and re-elected, and we should have learned by now never to underestimate the vacuity, susceptibility, and short-term misguided thinking of the American voter.

Though this might be a good time for me to think about getting cable, just for Comedy Central.